Maker of Dreams
by Saruvi
Summary: AU fic. Guardian of Dreams, Hisoka Kurosaki meets a little boy with purple eyes one night who captures his heart. Can he make the boy's hurt and pain go away?
1. A New Friend

**Disclaimer**: Yami no Matsuei and the characters Hisoka Kurosaki, Asato Tsuzuki, and other YnM characters are the property of Yoko Matsushita.

**A/N**: Well, even though I'm still finishing up Soulmates, I decided to write this story after toying with the idea for the past few days. I wanted to have a story where Tsuzuki was a child again, where he met Hisoka at a young age. I thought it would be nice to see Tsuzuki grow up and fall in love with Hisoka, while having the empath slowly come out of the shell he has around himself and learn that even empath's can have their own emotions.

--

The honey haired, green eyed teenager took in his surroundings. He was in a small room. The teen was surprised to see a little boy sitting in a corner crying. The little boy looked to be about six and he was huddled up with his arms around his knees. Looking closer at the boy, Hisoka noticed cuts and bruises on the boy's arms and legs.

Hisoka Kurosaki, Guardian of Dreams, didn't like when other people became too emotional. He himself never showed any emotion. Crying, laughing, those were all good, but the deep sadness, loneliness and despair that was radiating off the little boy in the corner sent Hisoka's empathy spinning. He slammed up his shields even higher to block them out better.

"Who are you?" a small voice asked. Hisoka looked, shocked that the little boy could see him. No one could see Guardians unless the guardian wished them to. Hisoka knew he wasn't in his visible state. So how could this child see him standing there?

"I'm Hisoka," the teen answered.

"I've never seen you before, Soka-chan. How come you're in my room?" the child asked.

"Why are you crying?" Hisoka countered, lifting an eyebrow at the nickname. He didn't know how to tell this boy what he was, it would probably scare the kid.

"I got hurt," the little boy told him, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"What's your name?" Hisoka asked, sitting down on the edge of the small bed in the room.

"Asato Tsuzuki," Tsuzuki said.

"Well, Asato-chan, how did you get hurt?" the teen asked.

"The other kids hate me," Tsuzuki looked at his knees.

"Why would they hate you?" Hisoka inquired. Tsuzuki lifted his head to look at the teen, raising a hand, he pointed at his face.

"Because my eyes are purple. They said humans don't have purple eyes," the kid told him, tears welling up again.

"Hontou ni? Maybe they want purple eyes too ne?" the empath suggested.

For some reason, he didn't like when this kid cried. He wanted to see a smile brighten that small face. This made Hisoka wonder what it was about this little boy that made him care. The green eyed teen was one of the best dream guardians because he never became emotionally attached to his clients. He thought it ironic that an empath didn't show emotions for others.

Tsuzuki tilted his head. He stared at Hisoka. Slowly he got up and walked over to the other boy. He climbed up next to him on the bed, scooting close to him. Tsuzuki liked the other boy. No one but his sister ever talked to him like this. All the other kids were always cruel to him, calling him names and beating him up. But Hisoka was being nice to him, so he wanted to be friends with the older boy.

"Soka-chan, will you stay with me here until I sleep?" Tsuzuki asked, reaching out and touching Hisoka's hand.

Hisoka jumped, almost pulling his hand away from the little boy. He didn't like to be touched or rather, he was never touched. He'd learned when he was thirteen that touching meant pain and hurt. But Tsuzuki's hand didn't hurt him, it was small and warm, so the teen kept his hand in the child's. Before he could stop himself, Hisoka nodded.

"I will stay until you fall asleep, then I will have to leave," Hisoka told him.

"Will you come back and be my friend?" Tsuzuki asked the empath, who looked down at him curiously.

Hisoka had no friends. He was alone. Even though there were other guardians of dreams where he worked, Hisoka stayed away from them. He stayed away from everyone. And they stayed away from him. Most of them were weary of him due to his ability. He was the only guardian with empathy. He couldn't say he liked it, but there wasn't really anything he could do to change it. He was the youngest out of all the guardians and he just didn't have anything in common with the other older guardians.

"Your friend? I guess that would be alright. Now, why don't you try to sleep," Hisoka suggested.

"You promise to come back to me Soka-chan?" the boy asked, yawning.

Hisoka nodded. Tsuzuki crawled up to his pillow, pulling the covers over his small form. The teenager stood up and watched the boy curiously. This child was different than any other child he'd encountered. Hisoka looked at Tsuzuki, who was slowly drifting to sleep. After the little boy fell asleep, Hisoka found himself standing next to the bed, listening to the child's soft breathing.

Raising one hand, he held out his palm. A small glowing ring appeared in his hand. Waving his hand, the ring floated over to Tsuzuki, resting above his head like a halo. Hisoka would use the dream ring to give Tsuzuki good dreams while he slept.He never stayed after he'd summoned the ring. Preferring to leave as quickly as he'd come. But for some reason, Hisoka was reluctant to leave this little boy that had so much hurt and pain in his heart. This surprised him as he couldn't understand what kept him from leaving.

Deciding to break his own rule of not using his ability to find out anything personal about someone, Hisoka probed the boy, reaching out with his empathy. He also didn't understand the desire to know anything about this kid other than then what lie just barely beneath the surface.

Clearing his head, he dove into Tsuzuki's mind and heart, falling deeper until he was sifting through the layers of hurt, pain and loneliness. Underneath all of it, Hisoka found something that made him smile for the first time. He found kindness, happiness and laughter. If only he could find some way to make those the dominant emotions that Tsuzuki felt.

_What am I thinking? I cannot become attached to this kid!_ Hisoka thought. He frowned at the thought. He didn't understand why that thought made his heart tug. He reached out and brushed a strand of the boy's chocolate brown hair from his forehead.

Sighing, he faded out of the room.


	2. No Longer Alone

Hisoka appeared in Tsuzuki's room a week later. The little boy wasn't there, so the teenager sat on the bed, waiting.

_What am I doing? I should just leave. Why did I even come back to see him?_ He wondered.

The empath had tried to stay away. He'd only managed to go a week without seeing the boy. When he'd left the boy a week ago, he'd had every intention of never returning. Even despite the fact that he'd agreed to return. Burying himself in his work, he'd found even that wasn't enough to keep him from thinking about Tsuzuki. How he was doing, if he was hurting, if he was happy, or sad. Hisoka had mentally smacked himself to try to get the boy out of his mind, but it hadn't worked. Nothing had.

And here he was. Sitting on the bed, waiting for the kid.

I must be a complete baka to be sitting here, he thought.

"Soka-chan!" A small voice said happily, followed by the kid throwing himself into Hisoka's lap and hugging him.

Without thinking, Hisoka's arms came up and hugged the boy back. No one had ever been happy to see the teen. No one had ever wanted to see him. But this kid was genuinely happy that the older boy had returned.

"Hello Asato-chan," Hisoka said, a smile forming on his normally expressionless face.

"I missed you Soka-chan. I didn't think you would ever come back to me. But you kept your promise," Tsuzuki chattered on excitedly.

"I... missed you too," the empath whispered. Tsuzuki smiled brightly and hugged Hisoka.

"Will you always be my friend?" the little boy asked. Hisoka nodded before he could stop himself.

"I didn't get beat up today at all!" Tsuzuki told the empath proudly.

"That's good. Asato-chan, where is your sister?" Both times Hisoka had visited Tsuzuki, Hisoka only felt the boy in the small house.

"Oh, she works as a maid for some lady," the little boy replied, shifting in Hisoka's lap.

"You don't mind being here alone at night?" the teen asked.

"I'm a big boy. And you're here with me, so I'm not alone," Tsuzuki rested his head on the older boy's chest.

Hisoka kept telling himself he should leave. He shouldn't be getting to know this kid, shouldn't become attached to him. Tsuzuki was mortal and Hisoka wasn't. The empath had died when he was sixteen. After living a miserable life, being hurt by his own parents and then by a stranger, Hisoka had been relieved to know his pain was over when he died. Keeping to himself, before and after dying, the boy had never been close to anyone. Yet, despite all his outward coldness, he did have a caring heart. He just preferred to pretend it didn't feel anything.

Usually, pretending worked for the boy. Until a week ago, when he'd mistakenly entered Tsuzuki's room. And now, here he was, holding the little boy on his lap, with his arms around him. Not wanting to let go.

_I don't know what I'm doing, but something feels right but I don't know what it is_, he thought.

"Today, I couldn't spell a word and sensei told me I had to write it on the blackboard twenty times to make sure I learned it," Tsuzuki was saying, dragging Hisoka out of his thoughts.

"What was the word?" the older boy asked.

"I don't remember," Tsuzuki giggled.

"You wrote it twenty times and you forgot it?" Hisoka looked down at the boy who nodded. Tsuzuki had stopped giggling and was yawning.

"Soka-chan, I'm sleepy," Tsuzuki said, yawning.

"Why don't you get in bed silly," Hisoka told him.

"Will you stay with me, even after I fall asleep?" Tsuzuki asked. The little boy didn't seem to want to let go of Hisoka.

Holding the kid tightly, Hisoka stood up and laid him down on the bed, covering him up with the blanket.

"I have work to do tonight, so I can't stay all night, but I will come see you tomorrow alright?" the teen said.

"Hai, you promise you'll always back to me Soka-chan?" Tsuzuki asked, yawning, his purple eyes beginning to close.

"Aa, I promise," Hisoka told him, holding up his hand. The glowing ring appeared and Hisoka waved it towards Tsuzuki. It pulsed for a second then disappeared. Hisoka was shocked to realize, he didn't want to leave. Forcing himself to step away from the bed, he turned around, handing his head, his honey colored bangs falling over his eyes.

He glanced at Tsuzuki as he faded away. He had work to do.

--

Over the next few weeks, Hisoka visited Tsuzuki everynight. He actually began to enjoy these visits with the little boy. Everynight, when he would appear, Tsuzuki would run to him and hug him. Telling him how he missed him. It made Hisoka feel happy inside. He found that being happy wasn't so bad.

"You're my best friend Soka-chan!" Tsuzuki said.

Hisoka blushed and Tsuzuki giggled. He was sitting on the floor teaching Hisoka how to play jacks. Hisoka had never played games as a child, but he liked this game. It was fun to try to pick up the little metal pieces before the ball bounced on the floor.

"It's my birthday next week, I'm going to be seven. My sister says I can have cake," Tsuzuki told him.

"You're excited about that," Hisoka said, grabbing a couple jacks before the ball fell.

"Soka-chan, do you like cake too?" the little boy asked.

Hisoka had become used to Tsuzuki asking him questions about anything the kid could come up with. The older boy usually just answered and then became quiet again. Tsuzuki was a very chatty child, he was so different than Hisoka. It was a wonder they were friends.

"I need to get to work, it's getting late," Hisoka said, watching Tsuzuki's face fall.

Hisoka had also become used to this change in Tsuzuki. The little boy hated to see the teenager leave. He would always hug Hisoka before the older boy tucked him into bed. Before he'd fall asleep, he'd make Hisoka promise to come back to him. It was never promise to come back, but always come back to him. As though Tsuzuki considered Hisoka his.

"You'll come back to me won't you Soka-chan, promise," Tsuzuki said, climbing into Hisoka's lap. The teen stood up and walked over to the bed, tucking the little boy in.

"Aa, I will always come back," Hisoka said, lifting his hand up, he noticed the smile on the little boy's sleeping face.


	3. Crying Hearts

**A/N**: I thought it was time to move things along, so I made Tsuzuki start to grow up. And of course this is a romance, so we have to make our boys fall in love, but not without some drama and angst first.

Gomenasai for reuploading the chapter so many times.

--

"Ne, Soka, do you want to play cards?" Tsuzuki asked.

Hisoka looked up, nodding. Tsuzuki had long since dropped the -chan from the empath's nickname. He'd been visiting Tsuzuki for the last six years. The teen hadn't realized so much time had passed until one day Tsuzuki wasn't six anymore but twelve. Hisoka had wondered how he'd failed to notice how attached he'd become to the other boy.

Hisoka loved Tsuzuki. Like one would love a brother or a favorite toy. Over the years, Hisoka had become attached to Tsuzuki just as much the boy had to him.

"We could play hearts, you remember how to play right?" Tsuzuki teased the empath.

Hisoka snorted and picked up the cards Tsuzuki had dealt him. Tsuzuki laughed.

"We're going on a field trip tomorrow. I don't want to go, but my sister says I have to," Tsuzuki said suddenly.

"Why don't you want to go?" Hisoka asked.

"The other kids pick on me when the teacher isn't looking. I hate field trips," the twelve year old told him.

"I can come with you. No one would see me but you," the empath suggested.

"Hontou ni? I didn't think you could go out during the day," the boy replied.

"I'm not a vampire you know. Of course I can go out during the day. I just don't because I work at night," Hisoka explained.

"Oh. Would you really come with me?"

"Aa, but we'd have to talk to each other with our minds alright?" the teen told him.

He'd taught Tsuzuki how to communicate with him without talking out loud. He'd realized one night when holding Tsuzuki while the boy cried from being beat up by the other kids, that the two of them had synchronized. Tsuzuki had asked Hisoka what happened and Hisoka had showed him how to talk without using words.

Tsuzuki nodded, smiling. They played cards for the next hour, then Hisoka had to go. By now it was a familiar routine for the two boys. Tsuzuki would climb into bed with Hisoka pulling the covers over him. The amethyst eyed boy would make the empath promise to come back to him making the teen nod. When Tsuzuki fell asleep, Hisoka would summon his dream ring, then he'd fade out of the room, until the next night.

Hisoka had discovered he felt Tsuzuki belonged to him, just as Tsuzuki considered Hisoka his. The empath didn't really mind the other boy feeling this way. He was however surprised at the possessive feeling inside him whenever he thought about or saw the other boy.

_I won't admit it to anyone, but he's mine, just as I'm his_, the empath thought as he faded away.

--

The field trip hadn't went well at all. Tsuzuki got suspended from school for two days while two other boys were hospitalized Since Tsuzuki was the only one out of the three not hurt, the teacher assumed he'd been responsible and suspended him. It hadn't been Tsuzuki's fault really. Though, the boy didn't blame Hisoka for what the teen had done, he'd only been protecting Tsuzuki from the other kids.

They had been walking around the museum when two boys had corned Tsuzuki. They couldn't see Hisoka, who was standing behind the boy.

"Freak!" one of the boys hissed at Tsuzuki.

"Where'd you get those eyes? From your demon parents?" another boy sneered.

Tsuzuki flinched as the verbal assault continued. Hisoka tilted his head, watching, hating to see his friend being called these awful names.

_Asato, it's alright. I know it hurts, but you need to just ignore them_, Hisoka told him in his head.

_Alright Soka_, Tsuzuki answered back.

When Tsuzuki said nothing to the boys, they got angry and started shoving him between them. Tsuzuki ended up falling to the floor and one boy leered over him and kicked him in the leg. Tsuzuki felt tears well up in his eyes. Hisoka had enough.  
He summoned a ball of light and flung it at the boy standing over his friend. The boy flew back, landing painfully across the room. Ignoring the snap of bone, Hisoka turned to the other kid.

_Soka, what did you do?_ Tsuzuki asked.

_I can't let them hurt you anymore Asato_, Hisoka replied.

Throwing another ball of light at the other boy, he heard the boy yelp as he watched as the boy was flung backwards, hitting his head on the wall.

_You told me to ignore them_, the boy reminded the teen.

_I know, but that was before they hurt you_, the teenager said.

Tsuzuki hung his head. He was going to get into trouble. But he didn't care. He was happy he had a friend like Hisoka.

_Soka_, he said in his mind.

_Hmm?_ the other boy asked.

_Arigatou_, Tsuzuki told him.

Hisoka turned and looked at Tsuzuki, a smile lighting up his face. He was happy to have a friend like Tsuzuki as well.

Their happiness had been short lived as the teacher came running up to them, taking in the scene. She'd pulled Tsuzuki up by his shirt and dragged him off. Hisoka had hung his head, he felt bad for getting Tsuzuki in trouble, but he wasn't going to stand there and let the boy get hurt while he watched. The teen sighed as he followed the teacher dragging Tsuzuki.

--

When Tsuzuki turned seventeen, Hisoka realized he loved him. He froze. He didn't love anyone. But now, he could feel this fluttering in his stomach and his heart skipped whenever he looked at the amethyst eyed boy. And he was horrified to discover, he no longer loved Tsuzuki as one would love a brother, but was in love with him.

"I have to go," Hisoka said, standing up from his place on the bed. Tsuzuki looked at him curiously. Hisoka never left this soon, he'd only just arrived.

"But... but you only just got here!" Tsuzuki whined.

"Aa, I know, but I... I have to do something," the empath told him.

_How did this happen? When did this happen?_ Hisoka wondered. The sound of sobbing broke Hisoka from his thoughts.

"Asato, why are you crying?" Hisoka asked, reaching to pull the other boy into his lap.

"I don't want you to leave, I want you to stay with me," Tsuzuki sobbed, burying his face in Hisoka's shirt.

"I have to do my work though, you know that," the teen told him.

"I know, you will come back to me right? I keep thinking one day, you won't come back to me," Tsuzuki was now clinging to Hisoka.

"Don't I always come back? Have I ever not returned?" Hisoka asked, wrapping his arms around the boy.

Tsuzuki nodded, then lifted his head and gently pressed his lips to Hisoka's. Hisoka pulled away shocked.

"Hisoka, I-I'm sorry! I... just... I just couldn't help myself," Tsuzuki hung his head, ashamed at what he'd done.

"It's alright. I really do have to go though," Hisoka said, more now than ever, he added silently.

"You're angry at me aren't you?" the boy asked.

"Iie, I'm not angry, I just have work to do," the empath replied. Tsuzuki nodded.

It was the first time since they'd met that Tsuzuki didn't make Hisoka promise to come back to him. The first time Hisoka faded away without summoning his dream ring. The first time both boys felt more alone than they had before meeting one another. Tsuzuki cried himself to sleep that night not knowing Hisoka was also crying as he worked.


	4. Tell Me Why

Hisoka didn't visit Tsuzuki until two days later. When the teen hadn't shown up the previous night, Tsuzuki felt his heart fill with sadness. He thought Hisoka was angry with him for kissing him.

_He probably hates me. How could you be such a baka!_ he chastised himself.

Sighing, he flopped on his bed. Resting his chin on his hands, he couldn't stop thinking about the green eyed boy. He missed the boy. Missed joking around with him, playing cards or jacks. Just talking to him filled him with happiness. Tsuzuki rolled over, staring at the ceiling.

Tsuzuki didn't understand why he'd kissed his friend. All he knew was that he'd been wanting to kiss Hisoka for awhile and hadn't had the courage to. He still felt the other boy's warm lips on his. Right before Hisoka had pulled away, Tsuzuki had felt like his insides were electrified. It had felt so good, that little bit of contact with the other boy.

_I shouldn't have kissed him, he'll probably never come back to me_, he thought

Laying on his bed, the boy thought about how Hisoka made him feel. How his stomach did flip flops whenever he saw, was with or thought of his friend. How his pulse started racing and his heart beat faster. Tsuzuki's mind exploded with the reason and suddenly, he realized why he'd kissed him. He no longer thought of Hisoka as just his friend. He thought of him as one would think of a lover or a boyfriend. He sighed and closed his eyes. He didn't see Hisoka appear in his room.

"Asato, are you asleep?" Hisoka asked softly.

Tsuzuki bolted upright from the bed.

"Soka! Where were you? I missed you. I thought you were angry with me. That you weren't ever coming back to me and that you hated me and I didn't know what to do without you," Tsuzuki started crying as he tried to catch his breath from his rambled sentence.

Hisoka sat on the bed next to the other boy, reaching over he wrapped his arms around his friend. Tsuzuki's arms came around his waist.

"I couldn't come. A new guardian mistakenly summoned a nightmare ring instead of a dream ring. My boss sent me to fix the situation. I'm sorry I didn't visit you. I don't hate you. I told you the other night, I wasn't angry. You just surprised me. I don't know why you kissed me," Hisoka told him.

Tsuzuki looked away. Hisoka stared at his friend. He wanted to know something. He needed to know if he was the only one feeling the way he did. Hisoka would have probed Tsuzuki, but when the other boy had been eight, the empath had taught him how to shield. Tsuzuki had his shields up so high, even if Hisoka tried, he wouldn't be able to get past them.

"Please answer me Asato. Why did you kiss me the other night?" the empath pressed.

"If I tell you, then you're going to hate me and you'll never come back to me. I can't live without being with you!" Tsuzuki jumped off the bed, he'd begun to cry and was becoming panicky. Hisoka stood up and went to him, wrapping his arms around him.

"Asato, please, I won't hate you. I won't leave you. I promise, so tell me why," the empath begged his friend, he had tears in his green eyes.

"I... I'm in love with you Soka," Tsuzuki whispered, wrapping his arms around his friend's waist when he realized Hisoka wasn't letting him go.

"When?" was all the empath could croak out, but the other boy knew what he meant.

"I think since I was twelve, when we went on my field trip. But I only just realized that what I was feeling for you was more than friendship," Tsuzuki explained.

Hisoka pulled back, his green eyes looking into Tsuzuki's purple ones. Hisoka's arms dropped to his sides, his shoulders slumping as he began shaking. The tears in his eyes ran down his pale cheeks. Tsuzuki thought he'd hurt the boy, so he dropped his arms, only to have Hisoka press closer to him, their bodies fitting together like they'd been made for each other.

Tsuzuki's eyes widened then slid shut as Hisoka pressed his lips to his own. They stood there, their kiss becoming deeper as their tongues played together. Hisoka moaned, and Tsuzuki wrapped him in his arms again. Reluctantly dragging their mouths away from each other, they gasped for breath, their eyes glazed and mouths swollen.

"I love you Asato," Hisoka whispered.

"Hisoka, stay with me tonight. I know you have to work, but would you just stay the whole night with me?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Yes," Hisoka answered as Tsuzuki kissed him again.

--

A few weeks after they'd confessed their feelings, Tsuzuki was once again laying on his bed waiting for Hisoka. He couldn't wait to see the other boy. The two boys had been spending their time together just holding one another, kissing and cuddling. Tsuzuki found he couldn't get enough of Hisoka. But, something was wrong. Everytime he told the empath he loved him, tears would form in the boy's eyes. If Hisoka were happy, why did he cry when Tsuzuki told him he loved him?

"I'll just have to ask him when he gets here," Tsuzuki not realizing he'd said the words out loud.

"Ask me what?" Hisoka said making Tsuzuki turn pink in embarrassment for being caught talking to himself.

"Ah, Soka," Tsuzuki said.

"What did you want to ask me Asato?" Hisoka wasn't going to let the other boy off the hook. He curious to know what Tsuzuki wanted to ask him.

Tsuzuki sat up throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He knew he wasn't getting out of this one. Hisoka could be one very persistent boy.

"Are you happy?" he asked the empath.

"Aa, I'm very happy," Hisoka replied, walking over to the bed and standing infront of Tsuzuki. The boy pulled the empath between his legs, wrapping his arms around the teen's waist. He rested his head on the teen's abdomen, smiling when he felt Hisoka's arms drape over his shoulders.

Before he could stop himself, Tsuzuki blurted out, "why do you cry when I tell you I love you?" Hisoka flinched, his green eyes widening. "You said you were happy, but you cry whenever I tell you how I feel about you. If you were happy with me..."

"Stop it. I am happy with you. It's just..." Hisoka looked down, his honey colored bangs hiding his face.

"Just what?" Tsuzuki wanted to know what made his love cry. He reached up to cup the teen's chin in his fingers, pushing his head up to look him in the face.

"I told you that I died when I was sixteen," the boy said, continuing when Tsuzuki nodded, "But I didn't tell you how I died."

"Tell me what happened to you," Tsuzuki said.

"I was out one night, I saw a man kill a woman. He saw me and he dragged me under a tree, he..." Hisoka choked on his words, tears streaming down his face. Tsuzuki pulled him into his lap, holding him close.

"What did he do Hisoka?" Tsuzuki quietly asked.

"No! I don't want to tell you this! I don't want to talk about it!" Hisoka practically shouted the words.

Hisoka jumped out of Tsuzuki's hold and off his lap, startling him. Bringing his pale hands up to his face, the teen covered his mouth and fell to his knees. Tsuzuki slid off the bed, he reached out to take Hisoka into his arms, but the teen jerked back making the boy drop his arms.

"Hisoka, if you don't want to tell me, it's alright. I just don't like seeing you cry. I don't like thinking that maybe you're not as happy with me as you say you are," Tsuzuki told him.

Hisoka looked at Tsuzuki. He could see the sadness in the purple eyes. Lunging forward, Hisoka threw himself into the other boy's arms, sobbing into his neck.

"He cursed me so I would die slowly and painfully. But.. but n-not before he r-raped me," Hisoka whispered, his voice breaking.

Tsuzuki tensed up. He hadn't know this about Hisoka. The boy had never told him, never hinted that anything like this had happened. He knew something bad happened, but he hadn't thought it was anything as awful as what he was just told. He brought his arms up to wrap around the other, holding him tightly against him. Hisoka sobbed into his neck as he held him. Standing up, Tsuzuki lifted the empath into his arms and carried him to his bed, laying him down. He climbed in next to him and pulled him into his arms again.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't have any idea that you'd been through anything like that," Tsuzuki whispered as Hisoka's sobbing slowly came to an end.

"I didn't want you to ever know. I didn't want you to think I was dirty and used," Hisoka said, his voice flat.

"I would never think that about you! How could you even... don't you trust me?" Tsuzuki was offended.

"Of course I trust you, it's just, I didn't want to remember," the empath said.

"Soka, listen to me. I love you. I will always love you. You can tell me everything and anything, and I will never hate you. Please don't think I would throw you away like trash. It's something I won't ever do," Tsuzuki told him.

He leaned in to kiss the boy. Tsuzuki heard a sob catch in the empath's throat as his lips covered Hisoka's. The boy clung to him. It was slightly painful, but Tsuzuki didn't care. He never wanted Hisoka to let go, because he himself would never let go either.


	5. Refuge in Glass

Tsuzuki was turning eighteen Hisoka took off from work to spend the entire day and night with him . Tsuzuki had been happy when the empath told him he was all his for the day. If it weren't the green eyed boy, Tsuzuki would be spending his birthday alone, as his sister had to work.

The two boys were laying on Tsuzuki's bed that night cuddling. Hisoka had found that cuddling ranked second to kissing as his favorite thing to do with Tsuzuki. He closed his green eyes as the other boy kissed his neck then his moved to his lips. Before he realized it, Tsuzuki had somehow managed to get the empath's shirt off and his jeans unbuttoned. Hisoka moaned, as the other boy's hand moved to caress his belly.

But when the boy's hand lightly cupped him through his jeans, Hisoka froze. He pulled his mouth from Tsuzuki's, sitting up on the bed. Tsuzuki sat up too, reaching to pull the teen into his arms, he was surprised when the other boy stiffened, causing Tsuzuki to drop his arms.

"Please don't," Hisoka whispered.

He was afraid of going further, of feeling everything he'd felt back then. Part of him wanted to, especially with Tsuzuki, but he just couldn't stop thinking about that night. He almost choked on the knot in his throat. Fighting back tears, he got off the bed, tugged on his shirt and redid the button on his jeans. Tsuzuki just watched him.

"Soka, are you ok?" asked the other boy from his place on the bed.

"I-I'm fine. I wanted your birthday to be special but I ruined it. I'm sorry," Hisoka hung his head.

"You did make it special. I got to spend it with you," Tsuzuki told him, getting up, he walked over to the teen.

"Don't touch me!" Hisoka shouted, making Tsuzuki back off. He couldn't let the other boy touch him. He was dirty. He even felt dirty. He was disgusted at himself.

Tsuzuki dropped the hand that had been reaching for the empath. They stared at each other as hot tears fell from Hisoka's green eyes. Tsuzuki didn't know what to say. Everynight they'd seemed to be moving towards something more. Hisoka had seemed to enjoy everything they'd done up until tonight. He'd never reacted this way until tonight.

"I won't hurt you, you know," he told him.

"I know," Hisoka said, lifting his head.

"Then could you calm down please," Tsuzuki softly said.

"I can't give you the same thing you want to give me," the empath said, his hands clenching by his sides.

"What do you mean?" Tsuzuki asked. He was confused by that statement.

"I would be your first, but you wouldn't be mine. He took that away. It wouldn't be special for you because I've already been used. And I know, I'm never going to be good enough for you because I'm dirty," Hisoka choked on the words.

Tsuzuki couldn't believe what he was hearing. His purple eyes blazed with anger and he lunged at the other boy. Gripping the boy's slender arms he heard Hisoka gasp in pain. The teen struggled against Tsuzuki, trying to get loose, but the boy had a deathgrip on him.

"Let go Asato!" he yelled.

"No! How the hell can you stand here and say those things? Do I mean anything to you? Do you know how much I love you! How can you tell me you're used and dirty when I love you anyway!" Tsuzuki yelled back.

Hisoka had never seen Tsuzuki this angry before. He stopped trying to get free of the other boy, just standing there, feeling his flesh bruising but not being able to do anything about it.

_Just like then. Like that, let me go,_ Hisoka thought.

"Dammit! Let me go now!" he screamed.

"Fine. But I have something to say to you. I will love you no matter what happens to you. I don't care what he did. This isn't about him, it's about you and me. Just us. If you're going to let him come between us, then I don't know what to do to stop you," Tsuzuki told him, releasing him.

Hisoka couldn't believe Tsuzuki was this angry with him. Angry enough to grab him forcefully enough to bruise him. The more the boy thought about it, the angrier he became. At Tsuzuki, at himself, at the situation they were now in.

"You're angry because I won't let you screw me? What a joke! You love me? Right. You're pissed because I can't go to bed with you and..." Hisoka yelled as Tsuzuki pushed him onto the bed, climbing over him.

"Hisoka, how can you say that? I don't want to screw you! I want to make love to you, I won't deny that. But I am not going to force you," Tsuzuki stared down into the green depths of his eyes.

"Get the hell off me! Don't ever touch me again!" Hisoka shouted, bucking up to try to push Tsuzuki off of him.

"Whatever you want," Tsuzuki told him as he rolled off him, his voice flat. There was nothing he could say to calm Hisoka down. So he just gave up.

Standing up, Hisoka glared at him, "I'm leaving, don't even think of trying to stop me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Tsuzuki replied sadly, he looked away as Hisoka faded out of the room.

--

Nine days later, Hisoka still hadn't returned to him. The boy had never stayed away this long. Tsuzuki counted the hours, minutes, every second that the empath didn't return. He felt horrible inside. As though his heart was dying. They'd never had a fight and now, there was no way to tell Hisoka how sorry he was for everything that happened.

Tsuzuki was depressed. Everyday without seeing the teen, he sunk deeper into despair. He felt everything was his fault. That if he hadn't tried to take their relationship further, this wouldn't have happened. If he'd been content just holding and kissing the other boy, he'd be here with him now.

_Dammit! I'm just stupid. I chased the one good thing in my life away because I'm not worth a damn thing,_ he thought.

Angrily, he picked up a glass on his nightstand and flung it at the wall. The glass shattered on impact, sending pieces flying everywhere. Tsuzuki just stared at them, glittering in the lamplight on the floor. He walked over and picked up a shard, holding it delicately in his fingers as though it would break again.

_I'm the only thing broken here,_ he said to himself.

He didn't think about anything but Hisoka as he slid the shard across his flesh. Gasping at the sting as the glass sliced through his skin. His eyes staring blankly at the crimson welling up on his wrist. He hadn't cut deep enough. Raising the shard again, he stopped when he heard a shocked gasp in the room. Looking up, he saw Hisoka standing there, tears in his eyes, hurt on his beautiful face.

"Asato, why?" Hisoka fell down to his knees, his tears escaping his eyes.

Tsuzuki dropped the shard of glass. Staring at the other boy on the floor, he didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe Hisoka was there. That the boy had come back. He'd thought he had lost him. But the teen had returned to him, only to see him trying to take his own life.

"Hisoka, I-I..." he whispered. Hisoka looked at him, his green eyes filled with hurt and anger.

"How could you do this! How could you try to kill yourself? Why! Why would you do something like this?" Hisoka choked out, standing up, he walked over to Tsuzuki.

"I thought I had lost you. I thought I ruined everything. I didn't want to live without you," Tsuzuki was crying now. Hisoka kneeled infront of him.

"You think I can be without you? Are you that much of a baka? I died inside everyday that I didn't come see you. I tried to stay away, but I couldn't. I felt so ashamed that I yelled at you. At how I treated you. I thought you would hate me if I came back to you. But I couldn't stay away any longer," Hisoka told him.

"I can never hate you Soka. You're the only person I ever want. The only thing I need," Tsuzuki's voice broke as he said this.

"Asato, I think... I should stay away from you," the empath said.

"Because of this? You're angry at this. It's not that deep," Tsuzuki asked, gesturing to his wrist.

"Yeah, I'm angry about that. Not at you though. I'm angry at myself," the boy said when Tsuzuki looked away, "If I hurt you enough to make you want to take your own life, then I don't deserve to be with you."

"Soka, please don't say that. I love you," the purple eyes looked up into their green counterparts as Tsuzuki choked on his tears. Hisoka was going to leave him and he felt as though the world was collapsing in on itself.

"I love you too, but..." the boy started, gasping when Tsuzuki threw himself into his arms, blood staining the teen's shirt.

"Please stay with me! Please don't go, don't leave me!" Tsuzuki cried. Hisoka wrapped his arms around the other boy.

"I won't leave you Asato. Stop crying now. Everything will be alright," Hisoka told him, stroking his hair.

"You promise you won't leave me?" Tsuzuki whispered against his neck. He felt the boy nod. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Hisoka whispered back.

They laid on the floor for some time while Tsuzuki cried against Hisoka's neck. When he'd run out of tears, he lifted his face and pressed his lips to his love's. Hisoka wrapped him in his arms as he kissed him back. He'd never thought that the boy he'd watched grow up, the boy he'd fallen in love with, would try to end his own life. Because of him. He shivered, despite Tsuzuki's warm body pressing against his own.

"Promise me, no matter what happens, you will never do something like this again," Hisoka said.

"Alright," Tsuzuki said softly. Hisoka looked at him, he wanted to believe Tsuzuki wouldn't try something this desperate again, but in his heart, he knew, it would happen again.

_I'll just give him something to live for, something to hold onto, and we'll be okay. He'll be okay,_ Hisoka told himself. If he told himself enough times, maybe he would believe it.


	6. A Human Wanting

**A/N**: The story is getting kind of angsty now but it's necessary for the ending I have planned. Any questions, feel free to pm me.

--

Over the next few months, Hisoka was reluctant to let Tsuzuki out of his sight. They grew even closer after their fight and Tsuzuki's attempt to take his own life. They were more at ease with each other. As the months stretched on, Hisoka started losing his fear of intimacy until one day, while playing cards with Tsuzuki, he laid his down and climbed into the other boy's lap, kissing his neck and nibbling on his ear.

He'd been watching Tsuzuki and he was surprised to feel heat spread throughout his body. At first, he shrugged the feeling off, only to have it simmer to a slow almost excruitating burn. Licking his lips, which had somehow become incredibly dry, he lifted his green eyes to meet amethyst ones.

_I want him, but how do I tell him?_ Hisoka thought.

He did want Tsuzuki, so inhaling sharply, he had laid his cards down on the floor and climbed into the boy's lap. Hisoka was burning up. Warpping his arms around the boy who was kissing his neck, Tsuzuki moaned, trying to fight off his desire to take Hisoka. He didn't want to push the empath until he knew for sure this was what he wanted.

"Soka, wh-what are you d-doing?" Tsuzuki said through clenched teeth.

_Oh kami, if he touchs me there, I'm going to lose it,_ Tsuzuki thought, as Hisoka hand began trailing down his chest.

"I'm ready and I want you," Hisoka whispered, as his hand played above the increasing bulge in Tsuzuki's jeans.

"Y-you, ahh," Tsuzuki couldn't think coherently enough to ask if Hisoka was sure. Hisoka smirked knowing what he was doing to the other boy. He felt sexy and beautiful knowing he had this affect on Tsuzuki. Nodding, he squealed when Tsuzuki suddenly pushed him back onto the floor, fitting his own body against the empath's.

After that, neither boy could think. Words caught in their throats as moans replaced things to say. Hisoka was crying as Tsuzuki gently took him. He kissed Hisoka's lips and cheeks to soothe him as he rocked in and out of the green eyed boy.

--

Later, as their breathing calmed down and their hearts slowed, Tsuzuki took Hisoka into his arms again. The teen was shaking, tears wetting his cheeks and Tsuzuki was afraid he might have taken it too fast and hurt the boy. Hisoka felt his lover's worry and fear and shook his head.

"Iie, it was too much at once. I felt everything inside you," the empath whispered.

"Everything inside me?" Tsuzuki was afraid, but now for an entirely different reason other than thinking he'd hurt his love.

Hisoka nodded, saying, "Everything, I saw everything you try to hide from me."

There were so many things inside the amethyst eyed boy that he kept hidden. Dark thoughts that swirled around and tried to hook into his heart. Tried to take up residence in his soul. He'd kept them buried so deep he had hoped Hisoka would never see them.

"Will you leave me now that you know I'm a monster?" Tsuzuki voiced the one fear he'd always held since meeting Hisoka. The one thing that could break him.

"Why would you ask me that after this? Do you really think I can leave you?" Hisoka asked.

He couldn't live without Tsuzuki. Or even live his afterlife, considering he was dead. Hisoka thought they were quite a couple. A boy that'd been raped and cursed who was dead and a boy that felt he was a monster but human. Hisoka rolled on top of Tsuzuki, straddling him. He didn't even bother to cover himself up, not caring about his nudity illuminated in the moon's light streaming through the window.

"Asato, you're not a monster," he whispered, running his hands down the boy's chest.

"You think I'm human? Then why do I have different eyes? What if those kids were right?" Tsuzuki asked, body tensing up as he remembered the other children's harsh words, his eyes glistening.

Hisoka reached up to wipe away a tear that had escaped his lover's amethyst eyes. Tsuzuki inhaled as he choked on a sob.

"I've met a monster Asato, and you are nothing like him," Hisoka told him softly, leaning to kiss him gently on the lips.

Tsuzuki swallowed, then said, "Am I human then, Hisoka?"

"Yes, you're human," Hisoka whispered.

Hisoka now realized how truly fragile Tsuzuki really was. He'd always seen him as strong, because Tsuzuki'd always had his shields up. But now, right at this moment, the shields were down, there were no walls, no barriers to keep Hisoka out. He projected all the love he felt for this boy. All the comfort he could muster. Feeling Tsuzuki relax under the onslaught.

Tsuzuki let Hisoka's love wash over him as he ran his hands up the sides of the boy's body. His fingertips caressing the pale flesh. Hisoka squirmed under the touch as he leaned in and kissed Tsuzuki's neck, sucking gently, making him arch up.

"You're human," Hisoka whispered, running his tongue over Tsuzuki's collarbone, "I promise you are."

Tsuzuki wanted to believe his lover. He wanted it with all his heart, but something deep inside had already been broken. It had broken a little more everytime he'd been called a demon or a freak. Everytime he'd been beaten up as a kid because of his eyes. Inside Tsuzuki cried as Hisoka's love wrapped around the venom coated self hatred and pushed it away. As he kissed and touched Hisoka back, he felt the boy's love wash over him in waves.

As Hisoka seduced Tsuzuki, the amethyst eyed boy kept asking if he was human. Between kisses and warm touches, gentle squeezes and soft bites, Hisoka would whisper yes. Over and over, he would answer the question everytime it was asked as they made love a second time. Holding tightly to Hisoka, he let himself believe he could be alright a little longer.

_It'll be alright, if I just hold onto him. If he stays with me, if he loves. If I can love him enough to keep the darkness away,_ Tsuzuki thought.

Inside he sighed as he felt Hisoka's muscles clench around him as the empath climaxed, crying his name. Tsuzuki held onto the love Hisoka gave him as he fell over the edge to join the boy in satisfaction.


	7. Crushing Misery

There was something wrong. Hisoka realized it the moment he faded into Tsuzuki's bedroom. His lover wasn't in the room, but there was an overwhelming sense of grief, despair and desperation, filled with a lot of anger and pain hanging in the air. Hisoka raised his shields so he could walk through the small house.

He'd never been out of Tsuzuki's bedroom, but the house was small, so it didn't take him long to locate the living room connected to a tiny kitchen. He looked around. The room was comfortable looking despite its small size. Hisoka walked around, stopping when he felt the emotions growing stronger. He walked towards a door next to the kitchen. Sobs could be heard from the other side.

Opening the door, Hisoka was shocked to see Tsuzuki curled into a ball crying. There was blood on the floor and Hisoka could see it staining Tsuzuki's hands. Kneeling down, the teen could see the blood wasn't the other boys.

_So whose was it?_ He wondered.

"Asato," Hisoka said softly, placing a hand gently on Tsuzuki's shoulder. Tsuzuki jerked his head up, staring at Hisoka like he'd never seen him before.

"Asato," Hisoka said again, making Tsuzuki blink as his eyes focused on the empath.

"Soka," Tsuzuki whispered, he pulled Hisoka into his arms, crying on his shoulder. Hisoka wrapped his arms around the other boy.

_What could have happened, why is he like this?_ Hisoka asked himself.

The past few months, the depression that Tsuzuki had been feeling had seemed to disappear as he spent more time with Hisoka. As they'd become more at ease with each other. The more they explored the depths of their relationship, the closer they became. Though, Hisoka knew, there were some things Tsuzuki still kept from him. Fearing that he would lose Hisoka if the boy knew of the despair that was still present inside him. Buried deep, but nonetheless still there.

"Whose blood is this Asato?" Hisoka asked.

"M-my sister's," Tsuzuki answered, closing his eyes as tears fell again. No, that's not right, as they fell faster since they hadn't really stopped in the first place.

"What happened? Where is your sister?" Hisoka was getting worried now.

If Tsuzuki's sister was hurt, they needed to help her. Judging from the amount of blood on Tsuzuki's arms and the floor, it looked as though she was seriously injured. Or worse.

_Don't think that way,_ Hisoka told himself.

When Tsuzuki shook his head, Hisoka pulled his face up by the chin, "Where is she Asato?" the teen asked again, he tone sharper than he intended.

"I-in her r-room," Tsuzuki choked out.

Hisoka didn't know whether or not to leave Tsuzuki in the bathroom alone, but it didn't seem as though he had a choice. The boy didn't seem to want to move. He'd curled up again, holding his knees to his chest as he began crying again. Hisoka walked through the house locating the door to Tsuzuki's sister's room.

Inhaling, he opened the door. Tsuzuki's sister was laying on her bed. Hisoka stepped into the room. It looked like she was asleep, but when Hisoka looked more closely, he noticed the crimson stain under her body. Her room was in disarray as though there'd been a fight in it and the bedcovers were messed up. Hisoka looked at the girl laying there, she looked peacefully asleep, but Hisoka knew that wasn't the case.

It was almost like staring at Tsuzuki. The girl's rich chocolate brown hair was the exact shade as the boy's. But Hisoka knew, if her eyes had been open, there would be brown not purple glinting behind dark lashes. Hisoka had never met Tsuzuki's sister. She'd always been at work when he'd visited. Besides, he'd preferred it that way, not really knowing how he would have explained who and what he was or having to explain his relationship with her brother.

"I thought she was sleeping, but when I touched her, she was bleeding," Tsuzuki's voice behind him made Hisoka jump.

"Asato, you need to call someone," Hisoka told him.

"They will think I did it," Tsuzuki answered, lowering his head.

"Why would they think that? She's your sister," the empath said.

"They... you know how they treat me here. But you're right, I have to call someone," Tsuzuki walked out of the room, with Hisoka following behind.

--

Tsuzuki had been wrong. They didn't believe he'd done it. Despite how they felt about the boy, they knew he'd loved his sister more than anything and wouldn't hurt anyone. They'd been witness to him never fighting back as a child when being tormented by the other kids. Hisoka had to keep himself from breaking down as he laid in Tsuzuki's bed holding the young man in his arms while the boy cried himself to sleep.

"Soka, you won't leave me right?" Tsuzuki suddenly said.

"I promise, I won't," Hisoka replied, tightening his hold on the young man in his arms.

"And you can't die because you're already dead. Stay with me always," Tsuzuki was still crying, clutching onto Hisoka as though the empath would disappear.

"I'll stay with you always," Hisoka whispered, his own voice breaking as tears fell down his cheeks.

_Please Kami-sama don't let this break him,_ Hisoka thought, as he felt Tsuzuki's warm breath on his neck.

Tsuzuki had fallen asleep with Hisoka holding him. It was the only way he felt safe. Hisoka was all he had left now that his sister was gone and he would cling to the empath in an attempt to never let go. But even as Tsuzuki slept, the despair slowly crept up from the depths of his soul to wash over him.


	8. The Only Way I See

A/N: I warn you, this is getting really dark and sad. So, if you don't like it, I'm sorry, but it'll all come together soon. And now we have the introduction of Tatsumi.

--

Tsuzuki was happy. Very happy infact. This made Hisoka worry. It was almost as though his lover were manically happy and Hisoka knew, something wasn't right with the other boy. It had been four months since Tsuzuki's sister had died and everyday, Tsuzuki seemed to fall into a mood of happiness, spreading a false smile on his face as Hisoka looked on, wondering when the bottom would drop out.

Hisoka found himself not wanting to take his eyes off Tsuzuki. He'd even put in a transfer to the Summon's Division, much to the chagrin of his superior who practically begged the teen to reconsider. But Hisoka had felt his decision to switch divisions was necessary to spend as much time with Tsuzuki.

_You can't watch him all the time, you're going to have to let go sometimes,_ Hisoka told himself.

The empath knew, if he stopped watching, he would lose Tsuzuki. It was only a matter of time. Hisoka wrapped himself around the other boy sharing the bed with him. He'd practically moved in, which had delighted Tsuzuki. They'd found themselves just holding each other, or playing cards, talking, anything to appear that everything was normal and fine on the surface. Hisoka knew better.

"Why do you have to go?" Tsuzuki asked, frowning.

"Because my new supervisior wants me on this case since I'm new," Hisoka told Tsuzuki again.

For the last half hour, he'd been explaining over and over why he had to go on a case. His new supervisior, a man named Tatsumi, specifically gave the teen the case of collecting the soul of a young boy who had died in a car accident, but refused to leave the side of his twin, who was in a coma. The secretary had felt that the empath was closer in age to the boy and the boy would be able to interact better with Hisoka than with the older shinigami in the division.

Kissing Tsuzuki on the lips, Hisoka told him he'd be back soon. It was a simple case. Being new to the Summons Department it wasn't as though Hisoka could refuse a case anyway, despite wanting nothing more than to stay wrapped up in Tsuzuki's arms in bed.

With one last look at his lover, Hisoka noticed the faraway glint in the purple eyes and the false smile on the handsome face. Biting his bottom lip, he faded out.

--

Tsuzuki sat on the bed for a long time after Hisoka left. He let the fake smile turn into a frown. He didn't have to keep up appearances now that his lover wasn't watching him closely. Sometimes, Tsuzuki just wanted to hole himself up and scream inside, but he couldn't. Hisoka was always watching.

He knew, that the other boy thought, if he could kept his eyes on him, he would be alright. If only that could or would work. Though Tsuzuki knew, nothing would ever help. Not even having Hisoka could chase away the pain he felt inside, hiding it deep behind his carefully erected shields so the empath couldn't see just how much hurt was there.

The amethyst eyed boy needed to do something. The hurt was constantly welling up inside. He had no outlet. He felt that he had already burdened Hisoka enough. The boy even switched divisions to spend more time with him and Tsuzuki felt bad about having made Hisoka feel he had to watch him all the time.

Somehow, he'd found himself in the bathroom, sitting on the floor. He couldn't quite remember getting the razor out of the medicine cabinet. All he knew was he needed to find a way to the release all the hurt he felt. The first slice on his wrist stung more than anything, but he found himself fascinated as he watched the blood rise to the surface, filling up the cut he'd made.

The second and third, he wasn't sure how many were needed to end his life, he just figured more than one would be enough. It had to end. He could no longer contain everything inside. His sister was gone. He was a burden to his sweet lover and he knew, there was nothing left to hold onto.

_You have Hisoka, you could hold onto him,_ his mind screamed as the blood ran down his hand to drip on the white tiled floor.

_I've put him through enough,_ he said.

It was really an odd feeling watching yourself bleed. Wanting to die so badly that you could so casually cut yourself up. His shoulders slumped as he began to feel dizzy. To make sure nothing could stop him from falling, he prayed Hisoka wouldn't come home anytime soon.

_Don't let him see this, please kami, don't let him see this,_ he kept praying over and over until he couldn't form another coherent thought.

And the world tilted on it's side, or maybe that was just his body falling onto the cold floor of the bathroom. Either way, Tsuzuki knew, he was free from all the pain inside.

--

"Asato, I'm..." Hisoka said, stopping when he didn't see the boy in the room.

Hisoka thought perhaps Tsuzuki was in the living room or even the kitchen, so he went to check, but found nothing in either place. Noticing the light coming from under the bathroom door, the teen knocked softly.

"I'm back Asato," he said to the door. No answer. And Hisoka's heart suddenly clenched as he knew, something was wrong.

Pushing open the door, he almost screamed in shock at the sight of the boy he loved laying slumped on the floor, blood staining the grout in the tiles an awful reddish brown color. Crimson was all Hisoka could see as tears formed in his eyes and he fell to his knees.

Scooting closer to Tsuzuki, he grabbed him in his arms, rocking him to try to get him to wake up.

"Please, baby, wake up, you didn't have to do this! Please please I won't ever leave you again," Hisoka cried, but Tsuzuki was already gone.

Nothing in his life had ever hurt as much as this. Nothing could have ever broken the teen like this surely would.

"You promised me! You promised you wouldn't do this!" Hisoka screamed as held onto Tsuzuki, hot tears streaming down his face.


	9. The Light at the End

One thing Hisoka was glad for was his work. He requested every case Tatsumi had that no one wanted to do. He threw himself into his work, thinking he could block out the pain of losing Tsuzuki. Tatsumi noticed the boy's sudden desire to work himself into a second death and requested the empath join him in his office for a talk.

"Tatsumi Sir, you wanted to see me?" Hisoka asked, walking through the open door of the man's office.

"Ah yes, Kurosaki-kun, please have a seat," Tatsumi told him, gesturing to a chair.

"This won't take long right I'm kind of backed up on paper..." Hisoka never finished as he was interrupted.

"The paperwork can wait, Kurosaki-kun. There's something I want to know," the blue eyed man said.

"What would that be Sir?" the empath replied cautiously.

"Why are you throwing yourself at every case? And you stay late everynight, doing paperwork. While I am pleased to see you so enthusiastic about your job, I have noticed a change in your behavior," Tatsumi said.

"A... change in my... what the hell is this?" Hisoka jumped out of his chair, his green eyes blazing with anger.

How dare Tatsumi try to pry into his life! You would think the man would be happy to have an employee who just did the work without complaint.

"Whoa, calm down Kurosaki-kun," Tatsumi said calmly, watching the boy infront of him clenching his fists at his sides.

"I won't calm down! You... how..." Hisoka couldn't finish, everything over the past two months, everything since he'd lost Tsuzuki spun by him and his shoulders shook as the anger was replaced with despair. Tears formed in his eyes and he couldn't them back they escaped their green depths to slide hot and salty down his face.

"Kurosaki-kun? Hisoka, what..." Tatsumi stopped as the boy suddenly threw himself into his arms, startling the older man.

"What happened Hisoka?" the man asked, wrapping his arms around the trembling boy.

"He... he left me... he... promised..." Hisoka whispered, choking as his tears continued to fall, soaking into Tatsumi's brown suit.

Hisoka stood there for how long he didn't know. He just felt the unbearable weight that had crushed his heart begin to lift itself as he cried in his supervisior's arms. The man whispering calmly that everything would be alright. Though, Hisoka wasn't sure he could believe those words, when he'd lost everything when Tsuzuki had died.

Tatsumi had sent Hisoka home for the rest of the day. He'd managed to calm the boy down, getting him to tell him what was wrong. Hisoka's tears had continued to flow as he told the secretary everything about Tsuzuki. From the time he'd met him as a little boy to the time he'd found him in the bathroom at eighteen.

The blue eyed secretary had just listened, not saying a word. There was nothing he could say. Nothing that would make the hurt and anger go away. Hisoka had wept like a child as he recounted all the details of his relationship with the amethyst boy he still loved.

Walking down the hallway of the Ministry, Tatsumi found himself thinking of the green eyed boy that had broken down in his office. He wanted to somehow try to make what happened better. If there was a way, he knew just the person to see.

"Watari, are you here?" Tatsumi asked, walking into the lab of his friend. He looked around, not seeing anyone in the room.

"Mm-uh, ya, Tatsumi," Watari suddenly poked his head out of a closet.

"Finally coming out of the closet I see?" Tatsumi teased his lover of the past decade. Watari stuck out his tongue, struggling to balance a stack of boxes in his arms.

"Ah, arigato," Watari murmured as Tatsumi took some of the boxes and placed them on the floor next to the pile Watari had placed.

"I need your help, if you'd be willing," the secretary said.

"With?" Watari asked, curiousity already filling his amber eyes.

Tatsumi told Watari the story of Hisoka and Tsuzuki. Watari took off his glasses and wiped the tears from his eyes. It was a sad story, and when Tatsumi told him his plan, Watari agreed without hestitation.

--

First, the two shinigami would have to locate Tsuzuki's soul. If what Hisoka had told them was correct, about Tsuzuki being a good man, then his soul wouldn't have fallen to Hell, it would be somewhere in Heaven. Watari researched the whereabouts of the man as Tatsumi began his search in the various divisions in Meifu.

Two days later, Watari had located Tsuzuki. He wasn't in Heaven or Meifu. He was in an entirely different division. One where souls went when they couldn't let go of their mortal lives or if they felt overwhelming shame and guilt.

_This isn't going to be easy,_ Tatsumi thought as he dragged Hisoka with him into the building.

"Tatsumi Sir, just where are we going?" Hisoka asked a third time, he was getting irritated. The secretary wouldn't tell him anything about where they were going or what they were doing.

"I told you, it'll only be a little longer. Then you'll know why I brought you here. Just be patient," Tatsumi told him.

_Patient, I never attended that class, and I missed the memo,_ Hisoka thought snickering.

Tatsumi asked a young man for room 314, and was pointed in the direction down the hallway. Hisoka had to run to keep up with Tatsumi who walked at a brisk pace. When they reached the door to the room, Tatsumi pushed it open and Hisoka froze.

On the bed, Tsuzuki was sitting staring out the window. His face was blank, but Hisoka could see the tracks of tears that had falled down his face. Hisoka just stared stupidly at his lover. Not really understanding how he could be seeing him now. He looked at Tatsumi, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

"Right, I'll leave you two alone. You're free to take off work for the next few days Kurosaki-kun," Tatsumi said, as he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.


	10. The Maker of Dreams

**A/N**: Well I finished it. It came out the way I wanted, with some slight differences from the idea in my head. But I like how it turned out. I hope you do too.

--

The soft click of the door shutting made Tsuzuki turn his head in Hisoka's direction.

"Soka," Tsuzuki whispered, tears falling from his amethyst eyes.

And Hisoka couldn't say anything, he just stood there, in shock, wishing he were numb as anger rushed to the surface. Tears burning a hot pathway down his cheeks.

"How could you! I hate you! I hate you for leaving me Asato!" Hisoka screamed as he flung himself at Tsuzuki, who wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy.

"Please Soka, don't cry. I didn't mean to leave you, I just couldn't... I couldn't take it anymore," Tsuzuki whispered to him.

"I hate you! I hate you!" Hisoka's voice trailed into a whisper as he continued to cling to Tsuzuki as he told him over and over that he hated him.

"I love you Soka, I love you and I'm sorry, please forgive me," Tsuzuki whispered, his voice hoarse from all the crying he'd done since he'd left Hisoka.

He couldn't believe the boy was there. In his arms. Telling him he hated him. Though Tsuzuki knew that was a lie. Hisoka was clinging to him afraid to let go. And Tsuzuki thought, now that they'd found each other again, they wouldn't have to ever let go again.

"I... still hate you Asato. You promised me, you promised you wouldn't leave me. I found you, I begged you," Hisoka suddenly stopped whispering as he lifted his head to crush his lips to Tsuzuki's.

"I am so sorry baby. I didn't mean for you to find me, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted it to end," Tsuzuki told him.

"It was that bad, and I didn't see it. You could have told me Asato. You always held up your shields unless we were in bed, then I could see before you blocked me out again," Hisoka climbed into Tsuzuki's lap, holding onto him as his tears dried.

"I couldn't tell you Soka. I couldn't bring myself to tell you I wanted to die. I couldn't break you as I was," Tsuzuki whispered.

"I love you. You should have told me dammit! You didn't have to shoulder the pain alone. I would have tried to help," the empath told him.

"I know that now. Seeing you here, I know, I could have trusted you more with my hurt. Please forgive me," the amethyst eyed boy said, tears starting again.

"Are you... better since you... uh," Hisoka couldn't bring himself to say the words.

"Yeah, the only pain I feel now is for leaving you the way I did," Tsuzuki replied.

"Promise you won't leave me again. You're up here, so you're like me now," he asked fearfully. Tsuzuki nodded his head, whispering he'd never leave him.

"Do you forgive me Soka?" Tsuzuki asked. Hisoka nodded.

"Do... do you still want me?" Hisoka asked fearfully.

"I've always wanted you," Tsuzuki kissed him on the lips softly.

"What happens now, why are you in this building?" the teen asked.

"I didn't want to move on and I couldn't figure out what to do up here, so they put me here," the older boy explained.

"Don't know what to do? You could... you know, work with me. I don't have a part..." Hisoka began. Tsuzuki's smile, a genuine smile stopped him.

_I've missed that smile, I've missed him,_ Hisoka thought, catching his breath.

"You wouldn't mind? We could be shinigami together?" Tsuzuki asked, his eyes searching Hisoka's. The empath nodded.

"Though, I've known you most of your life, I'm not sure about eternity though," Hisoka teased. Tsuzuki's face fell. "Of course I wouldn't mind baka," the teen amended, kissing his lover.

Coming up for air, Tsuzuki asked, "By the way, how did you find me?"

"My boss, Tatsumi, brought me here. He didn't tell me where he was taking me though," Hisoka answered, pushing Tsuzuki backwards on the bed.

"He sounds like a nice guy. I'll have to thank him when I see him," Tsuzuki said, confused.

Hisoka was now pushing his shirt up and Tsuzuki moaned as the boy's hands caressed his flesh. He'd missed this. Missed him.

"Mmhmm, no more talking about Tatsumi. Two months, I say you have some making up to do," the empath said, seductively.

"Right, I'll be quiet now," Tsuzuki closed his mouth, grinning.

Hisoka frowned at the thought of his lover being quiet. He bit softly on his neck, making Tsuzuki moan out loud.

"That's better," Hisoka told him, lifting his head to look into the beautiful amethyst eyes of his love.

"Whatever you say baby," Tsuzuki laughed as he rolled them over so he was on top as he slid his hands along the boy's body to take up where Hisoka had left off.

After that, all that could be heard were the soft pants and moans of two lovers making up for the time they'd lost.

--

Two days later, Hisoka was standing around waiting for Tsuzuki to finish talking with Tatsumi. Tsuzuki had been assigned as a shinigami as Hisoka's partner which made the two boys very happy. The door opened, Tsuzuki stepping out.

"How'd it go?" Hisoka asked.

"It went well, considering," Tsuzuki answered.

Hisoka raised an eyebrow, his green eyes questioning.

"Considering what?" the boy asked.

"Considering he gave me a lecture on what a promise means, and that if I ever left you again he'd make sure I knew what real pain was," Tsuzuki grimaced.

Hisoka laughed at the look on his lover's face. Leaning up, he kissed him softly on the lips.

"I'll be right back okay?" Hisoka told him. Tsuzuki nodded and made his way to the breakroom for something sweet.

"Tatsumi Sir, I wanted to..." Hisoka started as he walked into the secretary's office.

Tatsumi held up a hand, "There's no need to say anything Kurosaki-kun."

"I know Sir, but I just want you to know that I am grateful for everything you did," Hisoka replied.

"You're more than welcome. I'm just glad that I could be of help. Now, you and your partner have a case," Tatsumi told him, holding out a file.

"Right Sir, we'll get to that immediately," the boy told him, reaching out and taking the folder, he turned to leave.

"Kurosaki-kun, I should thank you as well. I had forgotten how nice it felt to make people's dreams come true," Tatsumi said behind him.

Hisoka whipped around, staring at shock at the man.

"You mean... you were a..." the boy sputtered.

"A Guardian of Dreams? A long time ago, yes I was," the secretary told him.

"Arigatou Tatsumi. I'll never forget this," he told the man, bowing before he left the office.

--

Hisoka found Tsuzuki finishing up a donut in the breakroom. He wrapped his arms around his lover and pulled his head down for a kiss. Tsuzuki smiled when they broke apart, a real smile of happiness spreading across his handsome features.

Tatsumi had forgotten what making dreams come true felt like, but he would never forget again. Neither would Hisoka or Tsuzuki.


End file.
